Quantum Coincidental Failure: A Modern Infrastructure Mystery
Published: May 2025 | All rights reserved. This publication is protected under U.S. and international laws governing free speech and journalism.
So get this.
I log into LinkedIn on Monday just a normal digital warrior doing a little morning recon and something’s off. My “Who’s Viewed Your Profile” section quietly downgraded me from 5 viewers to 3. No alert. No rollout message. Just a silent demotion. A ghost edit. Like the algorithm whispered, “Shhh, that’s enough tracking for you, soldier.”
At first, I thought: okay, must be global. Some quiet little beta test. Times are tight in the free-speech economy, right?
Then I asked around.
My friend still sees 4.
Another? Full 5.
One guy swears he sees 6, but he might be hallucinating from lack of endorsements.
So it’s not universal.
It’s selective.
Which raises the obvious question:
Selective… based on what?
Maybe it’s just a coincidence.
Just like how The FuckArounds track “Land of the Prickster” is still “processing” not blocked, not rejected, just hanging in timeless limbo on Meta, Instagram, and YouTube.
You know, the three platforms with major offices in… Chicago.
Totally unrelated, I’m sure, to the fact that said track is a satirical opinion piece about corruption, witness bribery, corporate fraud, and retaliation tied to wait for it Illinois political infrastructure.
Another coincidence. Surely.
Then it gets weirder.
Seven Xfinity service texts in two weeks.
Each time: “Scheduled maintenance in your area.”
Each time:
Wi-Fi glitches.
Random dropouts.
Unstable speeds.
Only for me.
Neighbors? Crystal clear as water(not from Lake Michigan)streaming.
Customer support? “That’s odd… looks like there’s a known outage in your area.”
But just for me?
That’s not a bug.
That’s a pattern.
And look I’m not saying it’s targeting.
I’m not saying it’s coordinated suppression because of active litigation or media campaigns.
I’m not saying someone’s petty enough to throttle visibility while publicly posting about “protecting democracy.”
But I’m also not not saying it.
I just find it a big coincidence…
Because here’s the thing:
When the timing is this precise, the silence this scripted, and the glitches this surgically localized it stops looking like coincidence and starts looking like choreography.
So what do we call this?
Quantum Coincidental Failure.
That moment when everything “accidentally” breaks but only for one person.
Very niche. Very curated. Very… Chicago.
But no worries. I’m calm. Documented. Redundant.
I’m the guy with backups of backups, Wi-Fi tied to three names, mirrored routers, cell towers monitored under shadow IDs because in the F’nAround era, the infrastructure isn’t just the battlefield.
It is the weapon.
Wait do I run multiple providers, sometimes under other people’s names just to compare results?
Same with cell carriers?
I’m not that documented… am I?
Stay curious. Stay connected. Stay glitch proof.
And if your soon to be new favorite satirical opinion track still hasn’t dropped, don’t worry Spotify still protects free speech.
If you don’t use them it’s probably just still “processing.”
But you know what’s wild?
Isn’t it funny like statistically improbable funny when you start reading your old articles or looking back at timelines and realize: coincidences just keep happening to people who ask the wrong questions or expose the wrong things?
Total fluke, I’m sure.
Like a cosmic game of whack-a-mole but with algorithms, routers, and phone towers instead of hammers.
And let’s not forget this isn’t our first song.
The FuckArounds have been dropping satirical tracks since July.
Spotify, Apple Music, even YouTube all generally approved in 24–48 hours.
Until now.
Now it’s been a week and a half of “processing” for Land of the Prickster.
No rejection. No notice. Just sitting there… like it’s waiting for someone else’s approval.
That’s not a delay. That’s a pattern in drag.
But hey totally just a coincidence.
Just like everything else.
Right?
Disclosure: Investigative Satire & Protected Opinion
This content is part of a documented media series produced by F’nAround and The FuckArounds, protected under the First Amendment of the United States Constitution. All statements herein are either satirical opinion, public record analysis, or coincidence based commentary intended to provoke critical inquiry, not assert definitive criminal claims.
Names, incidents, and quotes may be drawn from legally obtained filings, government records, or media reports. Any interpretive conclusions are the author’s opinion and not allegations of guilt.
This piece is distributed in accordance with protections afforded to journalists, satirists, and public interest watchdogs. We do not assert facts outside of verified documentation, nor do we claim final judgment only questions the public deserves to ask.
